Everyone changes


This is my opinion.

I feel that everything I have gone through in life, the good, the bad and the evil has made me who I am.

Having a breakdown made me slow down and see things from others views.

I watch friends, watch how they act and how they treat others, people act a way for a reason from their childhood, through to there environment and even there relationships. 

When they say things or act I try and think about them before I react, it’s not giving them a excuse or letting them off its accepting how they are. 

They have to accept me and how I am the good, bad and the whatever! 


Those with anxiety


I came across this today, I think things like this are useful it doesn’t go into much detail but a little education really does make a difference.

How to have a lovely day


If I feel ok or good,  I smile at everyone, i offer them to go in front of me for the bus say hello.

When I am not good I keep my head down or wear earphones, i don’t turn them on but then no one speaks to me.  I don’t want to be rude but if I have had a panic attack or stressed I can’t always speak so this is a way I protect myself.

It really is the simple things that make a difference.

What do you do ?

Do I try too hard


If really wish this was true!

Example: if I get a bad cold and it’s take it out on me  or I hurt my foot,  my depression gets worse.

I have tried with a certain group of friends to be myself and open up to them, i have known them over 2 years, but recently because I haven’t been well for a few weeks not just my depression they have stopped contacting me and not inviting me out.

I feel like I should be explaining how I cope and what’s going on again!
but really should I keep explaining what this illness does to me. Half the time I don’t know anyway.

I don’t expect them to know everything  (I dont)
I don’t expect them to call or message me everyday, never had it before and I probably wouldn’t cope its it did happen.

But when anyone is ill you would just message and say how are you? If you need anything let me know.

Or is it just me expect too much off others, i try hardest if someone is ill or going through a hard time I message them and send a little card in the post or try and visit them. 

Is it too much to think of someone else! 

A bad effect to a small situation

I know one of my problems are i allow other peoples action have an effect on me.

I cant always cope going out and definitely can’t cope other to my house, but i try my best when it there birthdays, i havent got much money but i always get the something or/and bake cake or cupcakes , which costs money.

I have put so much time and energy into finding and getting the present personal to them and then getting to them, i dont think they realise how much i went through.

For my friends birthday i had made a  personalised papercuts, and a card with flowers that she loves.
For my birthday she gave me a bottle of vodka, i have known this person 18 years, i have never drank alcohol in front of her and over the last 5 years said i cant drink because of medication i am on.

Was it wrong thats this effected me, i felt like she had not thought about me, it was spare from xmas, it was in a carrier bag.

I am the sort of person who prefer a card, i love it when friends make cards or find card with something i love, cupcakes, shoes, bags etc

I havent ever been one to get many present and when i do normal i feel guilty for someone spending money on me.

But as i am practicing thinking about me and trying to make me as important as others, this situation made me feel like i am not as important as others, it made me analysis my friendships with everyone, i backed away from everyone,  i ended up self harming.

One small thing which i bet the other person didn’t think anything of had an effect on me and of course it wasn’t a good effect, why do i let things get to me?????????????

I did it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January i brought new trainers and February brought new gym clothes, so finally on Thursday February 25th i walked the 300 steps and attended the gym:):):):):):)

It took me till 3.30 pm to get there, my head went through a lot to get there,
I am fat and nothing i will do will stop that.
The staff at the gym will think bad of me.
I dont want anyone in the gym to talk to me.
The others in the gym will think i am fat and no hope.
I can go tomorrow.
I can start back up the weekend or monday.
What if i see anyone when i walk over.

When i got there the lady we served me just said “we havent seen you for a while, take it easy”

I managed 20 minutes cardio and some weights, when i walked back home i felt so tall. When i got home had some dinner relaxed and had a shower and went to bed i slept for 7 hours with only 1 time wide a wake.
It really does help. If only i can remember this everyday.

Well i managed to go the next day did weights and 15 minutes cardio.
Small steps of courage.

Am i a failure

Last night i planned today, get up early start abck at gym, planned my food for the day and what housework i will up.
Reality.  . . . . I woke up couldn’t move and not done anything.

Its my illness, i have to accept this is how it is,  some days will be low or high.
I am a failure i cant even cope with the simple tasks of life.

The way we think really can make a change in life, i understand we cant be positive all the time, but practice talking yourself round to thinking a different way.

It is true we can find a positive in most situations.

So today instead of thinking i failed at what i planned i will think i have eaten good today so far and i have just put some washing on.

One small step, one small task.